Drive Away the Darkness
by Tigerlily
Summary: SimonKaylee FluffDrama. 3 parter that follows their changing relationship during the last 3 eps.


**Drive Away the Darkness**

**A/N: **My first Firefly fic. Saw the series for the first time last weekend and absolutely fell in love with these two. My first attempt, a oneshot that grew into three chapters set during the last three eps.

**I.**

Post "The Message"

He'd rutted it up this time, and he knew it. He stood there in the freezing slow, watching Tracy being laid to rest and feeling guilty because all he could think about was how badly he'd blown it with Kaylee. He felt her next to him, but he didn't chance a look at her. He could feel her sadness and that made him feel even guiltier.

She'd liked Tracy. He grew a little colder at the thought of how he'd betrayed her and held her hostage. How anyone could do that to Kaylee escaped him. Although he hadn't been much better, he'd driven her away after all. He wanted to look at her, to talk to her and try to explain himself. He was just bad at this.

His whole life had been spent focused on his career and rescuing his sister. He'd never learned how to behave around a girl. At medacad, he'd had a few… brief interludes with girls. None of them had lasted long enough for anything to develop. It sounded bad, but he'd never needed to work for their attention. They latched on as soon as they found out his last name, and there hadn't been a need for him to put any…effort into it. Now he was faced with a girl who he wanted desperately to like him, and it was becoming painfully clear to him how stunted his knowledge in this area was. To be honest, he'd never encountered a girl who made him want to learn how to do this. But apparently his achievement of being in the top 3 wasn't going to help him out at all in this situation.

He chanced a glance at her as she took the recording device to Tracy's mother. She looked cold, inside and out. The usual spark and glow he associated with her presence was missing. He heard the recording start to play and remembered the last time he'd heard it play and how it made him lose his nerve.

He wasn't sure what he'd planned on saying to her that night. He just… he was filled with so many things he wasn't used to feeling and he had such trouble making sense of them to him; it was nearly impossible to explain them to her without making an ass of himself. Now he wasn't sure if it was fixable.

But he wanted to fix this so badly. She made him feel things that he'd never experienced. She made him smile, when there was little reason for him to due to the current state of his affairs, and occasionally she snuck into his dreams and filled them with light and heat and something else he wasn't able to identify. Earlier that day, when they'd been experiencing a rough patch of ride and were confined to their quarters, he'd known she was with Tracy, and it filled him with a jealousy that he had never known before. When Tracy had been shot and it was becoming obvious that he wasn't going to make it, for a horrible moment, he'd been glad. The thought of it now, watching Tracy's mother crying over his body, made him sick.

No, he was sure it was too late. His devotion to his sister's well being was now becoming to cost him, and he'd lost the only woman whom he'd ever cared about. She was the only person who'd been able to feel like a normal man, not a Tam, or a man burdened by his care for a sibling, although he hated to think of it.

A small cold hand found its way into his, startling him out of his thoughts. He looked over at Kaylee. Her eyes were closed and he saw a few stray tears running down her face. The snow flurried around them and she squeezed his hand. A beam of hope lit up inside of him. He would fix this, is he could. If not…well, then he might not be able to stay in Serenity.

Simon and Kaylee walked back to the ship in silence. They found themselves in the back of the group not speaking or looking at each other, but their hands were still intertwined. As they entered the ship, Kaylee's hand began to slip from his and he clutched at it, refusing to break contact.

Her eyes flew to his, a question on the tip of her tongue.

"I need to talk to you." he said quietly, and rather shortly.

She nodded. "You want to go someplace quieter?" She tilted her head to the top of the steps where Jayne was lurking around.

He nodded, and they walked together to her bunk.

They only released hands when they arrived and Kaylee opened the door to her room. Simon keenly felt the loss of her warmth as she descended the ladder.

He followed her down. She was sitting on her bed and her eyes were cast down. He thought about sitting down next to her, but hesitated, and ended up standing facing her instead.

She wouldn't look at him, and that made him nervous.

He felt himself freeze up, and tried to fight it. He knew this wouldn't work if he acted like a core-bred robot.

"How are you?" he finally managed. His hands clenched into nervous fists.

"Fine and shiny, Doc." she said, still not looking at him. She laughed, a little sadly, and glanced up for a moment. "Well no, I guess that's not real honest."  
Simon's eyes fell to his feet as well. "I'm sorry about Tracy," he said quietly. "I know you two were…" he broke off, unable to finish.

She looked up. "It ain't that." she said quietly. "It's not him, that's got me so upset."

Simon took a chance and sat down beside her.

"I, uh…" she looked at him expectantly and for a moment, he forgot why he was there. He blinked and stumbled on. "I'm sorry for what I said," he said quietly. "You have every right to be mad at me."

She sighed. "I don't know if I rightly am," she said honestly." I mean, _some _of the stuff you said was real nice. But the rest of it," she paused, looking for the right words. "It _hurt_ Simon. You cut me all up in little bits with that."

"I know," he said. "I know. I'm no good at this."

She made a scoffing sound. " Course not. Never had any experience with those fancy Core girls."

He shook his head. "No. I mean…. There have been, um-" Kaylee let out a humorless laugh and Simon struggled to get out of the hole he'd dug himself into. "I never tried to make them like me. None of them were worth the effort…" he paused, feeling foolish for saying what he was about to. "So when I finally met a girl who I care about, I'm absolutely lost."

She sighed and leaned back against the back of the bunk. He couldn't tell if he'd said the right thing or not.

"Well, regardless of all that." she said quietly. "It seems to me that there's only room for two women in your life: your sister, and the rest of us."

He leaned his face on his hands. "I know," he was unwilling to look at her. "I've always… I need to take care of her, I'm all she has. She's getting a little better but," he broke of with a sigh and leaned back next to her with a sigh. "It's just getting harder."

"You're doing a good job, Simon." she said, with a brightness that wasn't quite honest. "She's more loose- um…. More all together lately."

"Lucid." Simon corrected quietly.

"Yeah." Kaylee said. They were quiet for a moment. "I know it's hard for you," her hand brushed against his.

He shook his head. "It's just all that I do." he said quietly. "Don't get me wrong, I love my sister. I've never really minded before, but lately…" He shifted on the bed so he could see her eyes. When he spoke again his voice was lower, more intimate. "You've got me wanting things I haven't for… You have some strange hold on my Kaylee."

She smiled at that, and blushed a little.

"See," she swatted his arm playfully. "You can talk pretty if you want to." Her eyes fell. "Sorry you have to waste it little old me."

He shook his head. "No, Kaylee." He took her hand and prayed that he was doing the right thing by telling her these things. But he couldn't stand this awkwardness that surrounded them anymore. He wanted to get all of his feelings for her out in the open even if the idea made him so nervous he wanted to be sick. He only hoped she would take some of the feelings he was pouring out to her.

"That's shiny and all, Doc." He deflated at the use of that. "But do you even feel…" She broke off, looking suddenly frustrated. "Is there…Gorramit! Do you like me at all Simon?"

He almost laughed at that. "Kaylee, haven't you been listening?" He let his hand brush a strand of hair out of her face. "I like you so much it scares me."

She opened her mouth… and then shut it again. Apparently he'd said something right for once. Simon saw the beginnings of a smile on her face, then:

"Kaylee! Get up here!" Mal's voice echoed outside her door.

She sighed, clutching Simon's hand and shouted back to him. "Cap'n! Can't it-"

"-Need you up here _now_ Kaylee." Simon heard his footsteps go down the hallway.

She frowned and turned her eyes up to Simon's.

"I'm sorry, " she said. "I have to…"

Simon stood up. "Oh, of course."

They walked to the ladder together She squeezed his hand before releasing it. Before she walked up he ladder, she turned and met his eyes. She was very close to him.

"So," her breath tickled his neck. "Um… we'll talk later?"

He smiled broadly, for what felt like the first time in days. "Yes,"

The smile on her face grew. "Shiny."

He nodded. She left a butterfly light kiss on the corner of his mouth before she climbed up the ladder and out of sight.

Simon, smiling broader still, scratched the back of his neck. This might just work out after all.


End file.
